Why We Miss The Signs Of Depletion

One of the things I’ve been reflecting on this spring is how easy it is to miss depletion when it’s happening.

And that realization surprised me.

I’ve been living with Lupus - Systemic Lupus Erythematosus (SLE) since 2011. You’d think that after fifteen years I’d be able to recognize the signs immediately. Instead, I found myself doing what I’ve done many times before: looking for explanations and solutions, and trying to figure out what I needed to fix.

It took me longer than I would like to admit to recognize that I wasn’t facing a productivity problem, a scheduling problem, or a motivation problem.

I was simply depleted.

What interests me about this realization is that I don’t think it’s unique to chronic illness.

I think many of us have become remarkably skilled at functioning while disconnected from our limitations.

Adaptation Is One Of Our Greatest Strengths

Human beings are super adaptable.

It’s one of the reasons we survive difficult and harrowing experiences.

We adapt to new jobs, caregiving responsibilities, financial stress, grief, relationship challenges, health conditions, and major life transitions.

We find ways to keep going.

The problem is that adaptation can sometimes make it difficult to recognize when something is no longer working.

Psychologists refer to this as normalization. Over time, repeated experiences begin to feel ordinary, even when they're taking a significant toll on us.

What once felt exhausting becomes the baseline.

What's unsustainable becomes our normal routine.

A temporary season becomes a way of life.

Because the change happens gradually, we often don’t notice it.

High Functioning And Wellness Are Not The Same Thing

This is a distinction I’ve had to learn repeatedly.

Many of us use our ability to function as evidence that we’re okay.

We go to work, meet deadlines, care for the people we love, and handle our responsibilities.

From the outside, everything appears to be working, but functioning and well-being are not the same thing.

Someone can be highly capable and very depleted at the same time. Productivity can live beyond actual capacity. You can continue showing up for everyone around you while becoming increasingly disconnected from yourself.

I’ve certainly done that.

The Body Often Knows Before The Mind Does

One of the things I appreciate about both psychology and 12-step recovery work is the recognition that awareness doesn’t always arrive all at once.

Sometimes the body notices before the conscious mind catches up. We see this reflected in research on chronic stress and nervous system activation.

When stress becomes prolonged, the body continues adapting in an effort to keep us functioning. Eventually those adaptations begin to show up as symptoms like:

disrupted sleep, increased pain, irritability, anxiety, brain fog, difficulty concentrating, fatigue, and a diminished capacity to recover.

The symptoms aren’t necessarily the problem.

They are always information.

They’re part of an ongoing conversation about what our system can realistically sustain.

A Different Question

For most of my life, when something felt off, my first instinct was to ask:

“How do I fix this?”

I’ve had to learn to ask a different question.

“What is this trying to tell me?”

It’s a small shift, but it creates a very different relationship with the experience.

One question immediately turns me toward solutions.

The other asks me to listen first.

As we move into summer, that’s the question I’m sitting with.

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