At around 8pm on NYE I was fighting with my partner and wasn’t sure if I’d be ringing in the new year alone.
Let me back up.
My partner and I spent the holiday apart. I traveled to be with family and he wasn’t comfortable traveling with the Covid surge. I understood, but it still impacted me.
I knew coming back would mean me going into quarantine for 10 days. This would extend the amount of time we’d be apart. I felt scared about this.
I’m committed to truth, self-responsibility and teamwork in my partnership and sometimes I bumble embodying these ideals.
Coming home I was happy to be back but also low key angry about being in quarantine, sleeping in separate rooms and interacting mostly on FaceTime.
I didn’t know how to express this or dig deeper to responsibly share this truth - to move from blaming him for my discomfort and step into the vulnerable feels about the whole situation.
It came out sideways on NYE when my partner tried to work as a team to create a safe and connected evening for us. I wasn’t having it. I was trapped inside my anger and unexpressed hurt and he in turn got hurt by me.
He asked for an hour to be with himself and to FaceTime me back at 9pm.
I sat in my room alone accepting the fact that he may want space for the entire evening.
I hit an emotional bottom. EB’s are the fertile ground for growth and healing.
I did some inner work, got relief and set aside my pride so I could share calmly and clearly about my vulnerable feels and work as a team to ring in the new year together. I also listened to my partner’s vulnerable feels. We created a plan to ring in the new year safely together and at midnight from a distance looked at my best friend in the world and was grateful as I told him “Happy New Year”.
NYE didn’t look l like I thought it would. I’m human and I’m messy but committed to something much bigger not only in my partnership but my whole life.
I wonder if anyone else had a NYE that looked different this year and if you had to do some emotional work to accept it?
Comment below, I’d love to hear from you.