When we hurt sometimes people can help us feel better and most of the time we’ve got to use other ways to heal. This has showed up the most in my romantic relationships. I both went back to people and started new relationships convincing myself I was different or he was different this time. That is delusion in action. I went back into relationships because I didn’t believe I could have it any better.
I found a new person to distract myself from “it”. That it was all the hurt from all the previous relationships. Of course I was hurt and surprised when it didn’t end well yet again. How did I end up back here? Why did I do this? Well I think it’s a need for familiarity and the fear of change (even if I consciously know it’s for the better). Its also a painful avoidance of going deep in myself to find healing and home.
It’s me looking for a sense of security in the familiar even if it is chaotic and painful. This kind of emotional healing is about learning what real security is. This kind of emotional healing is about understanding all your security can’t come from external circumstances like a relationship or a person. This kind of emotional healing is about learning to create your security inside of you. This work is hard and totally worth it. I'm a better healthier woman for it.