Accessing desire. The struggle is real.

I went into a store a few months ago to buy make up and the woman helping me looked at my eyebrows in horror and said they were over plucked and that I needed to not touch them for a couple months. That after they had grown in more only THEN could I consider get them shaped up.

At first I was really embarrassed and slightly offended by this woman. I judged her customer service and my ego and my need to look good were threatened.

Despite all that got triggered inside me with her comment, I stayed and listened to what she knew about make up and about how to care for my eyebrows. I surrendered and I didn’t know why I did at the time. I left with some new make up and instructions to not touch my eyebrows.

Over the next few months caring for my eyebrows, I’d look in the mirror and hear that women’s comment in my head and also judge how messy and unkempt my eyebrows looked growing in. Over time I stopped hearing the comment and was able to get in touch with the thing that had me stay and listen to her in the first place.

It was my desire to have fuller eyebrows and the deeper desire was (and still is) to feel sexy and bold.

What a relief it was to get in touch with that! It was like a thunk and grounding in my belly and an opening in my chest. All the charge for me in the woman’s comment disappeared and my ego could relax into the very real desire to feel sexy and bold. It was like I came back to myself.

Sometimes it takes a little or a lot of struggle to get in touch with the deeper things we want that go beyond how we look or the objects we want to possess. On the other side of the struggle you can find yourself.