When Your Relationship Takes a Hit

Recently my partner told me something that took me out of control.

He told me he didn't feel comfortable traveling with me to visit family this holiday because of Covid.

I closed my heart. I didn't talk to him for 3 days.

I respected his decision and despite that I'm a human with a heart and I got deeply triggered.

I didn't talk to him for 3 days. I told him what I was doing though. That I needed space and time to process and I was explicit about how much time I needed.

In our time apart I reached for tools to process.

I knew I was angry but anger is always that surface level emotion for me that protects other emotions that are harder for me to feel.

In the first two days the tools I reached for weren't working to penetrate my anger.

Then on the 3rd day I did a guided somatic practice that cracked this thing wide open.

For the last 3 days I kept having this recurring experience. I'd be distracted from the issue at hand and then I'd remember my partner and I weren't spending the holiday together and be flooded with panic and anger until I'd distract myself again.

In the practice I was asked to think about another time in my life I experienced this similar thing and suddenly it hit me.

This was the SAME thing that'd happen after I'd break up with someone I was really attached to.

Suddenly this made sense.

I understood clearly my partner's decision triggered what I've felt in a break up: abandonment and separation anxiety

Immediately I felt a sense of emotional clarity and direction. I knew how to self-soothe when I'm feeling abandoned or anxious. I also felt a space created between my emotions and my partner. Before everything was a mess and I couldn't stop seeing him as the enemy.

Now I could see myself and my truth and I could see my partner and his truth.

That night we sat face to face in chairs and I shared my truth. My heart was open again and was received.

He's not coming with me and my heart still feels a heavy and it's OK.

The relationship took a hit but by no means did it break us.

These are the fruits of unshakeable commitment to truth inside conscious partnership.