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What to Remember When You Doubt You'll Ever Find Someone pt. 5

(5) Trust that great loves, romantic and platonic come in your life and you might even learn to be the love of your own life


EXAMPLE: When I was 28, I remember sitting in my therapist’s office crying and lamenting about another relationship that had gone south and I shared with her my fears about not being married or engaged yet. This was a frequent topic of conversations in my therapy sessions. On this day I could really feel the depth of my longing. I once read this emotional experience described perfectly as “ambiguous loss of a partner”. That people can experience deep grief and loss due to having well developed desire for a relationship without the actual person or relationship.


HEALING: This therapist was always really good at pulling me out these emotional holes I'd often fall into. She’d remind me of redirecting all that unexpressed love I had for a partner toward myself and falling deeply in love with me. She'd also remind me of patience with a healthy dose of hope and support me in extracting the lessons from and gratitude for of the end of the relationships. On this day, she introduced me to the concept of "mini marriages" in my platonic relationships. She told me to look around at the love that is present in my platonic relationships and see them as very special mini-marriages that can be great loves too. That I can bring many of the parts of me that I want to bring to a partner to those relationships and experience a great deal of fulfillment while I work on the romantic love. This was the thing, more than time, that healed my broken heart time and time again.


LESSON: Sometimes when we long for romantic love that's not yet here we can forget that great love comes in many forms and that the greatest love is love for the self. Tap into this love. It's so transformative and healing. Let it in and fill the nooks and crannies of your aching heart while trusting in and relaxing into your beautiful life.

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