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What to Remember When You Doubt You'll Ever Find Someone pt. 4

(4) Use this time to get super clear on your values, visions and goals so you’re in the driver’s seat of your love life

EXAMPLE: Before I shifted to what I call inner-work based dating and relationship strategy I spent a significant amount of time getting to know everything about the people I would date. I did this because I was desperate for a relationship and wanted to be who they wanted me to be. I knew what they valued and what they didn't. I knew what their goals and visions where. I was in a constant state of fear of being left. I didn't know my own values, visions and goals because I was overly focused on them. This meant I was perpetually in the passenger's seat of my love life and that was very frustrating.

HEALING: One key aspect to living a fulfilled life is understanding who you are, what you need or want and what you like/don’t like. This is also known as discovering your values, vision and goals. It's imperative you know these for your love life so you can build what I call a LOVE IDENTITY. VALUES are your principles or standards of behavior in dating and relationships and what's important in your love life. Your VISION is your all inclusive big picture for your love life. Your GOALS are your desired results. My time spent being single was an essential way to get to know all of these for myself. I asked myself: What do I want in a partner? What are my non-negotiables? What's my big vision of love fulfilled? Where do I see myself in 5 years? And I answered these questions. I even created my big vision that I still have today and I kid you not, this all inclusive vision is the man I'm with today.

LESSON: Being single is a perfect time to ask yourself the deep questions about what's most important to you in your love life. You may not know the answers yet, and that’s OK. Keep asking and stay open. Find the answers. Once you get clear on your values, visions and goals you'll strengthen your love identity and become a powerful driving force in your own remarkable love story.


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