How to Heal While Dating pt.1

Last week I posted “How to Heal While Dating” and shared 5 ways we can keep healing ourselves while we are dating and seeing committed partnership.

I’ve been getting A LOT of positive feedback about it, especially in my DMs.

I thought it would be great to go in-depth on each one over the next week.

Let’s start with the first way we heal while dating…

(1) Gaining confidence where you felt shaky in assessing potential partners by setting clear boundaries and non-negotiables

EXAMPLE: I remember years ago when I was living in NYC, went on a first date with someone I has been messaging. I was excited to meet him and we agreed to meet at a bar. When I arrived he smelled strongly of marijuana, his eyes were red and he seemed high. At this time had not yet stepped into sober living so the fact that he appeared to have smoked wasn't a dealbreaker for me. What I didn't realize at the time was that I had a problem with him showing up for our first meeting high. During the date I tried to ignore this nagging feeling that I had issue with this. I tried to assess his other traits. It wasn’t working. When we walked to the subway he said he had a great time and wanted to see me again. In that moment a froze and noticed I felt shaky inside. I didn't want to see this person again but I didn't feel confident to say that right there. I said, "Yeah, that would be nice."

HEALING: On the ride home I felt all stirred up. Anxious and unsettled. What I understand now is THIS is how I experience misalignment with my authentic self. I was insecure and lacked confidence to say, "Actually I don't think this is a match." because I didn't know my boundaries and non-negotiables. Once I got clear that I had a boundary around dates arriving inebriated, it was easy to send a text when I got home that read, "Hey X, I was thinking about it on the ride home and I don't think this is a match." He also received it very well which helped validate this healing experience.

LESSON: Dating gives you a chance to discover what your core values are. You’ll feel like you're in the driver's seat and have the ability to screen prospective dates, and know that you’re making the right decision.

Love,

Michele

Women's Mentor @womencanheal