Changes

We’ve been going through some changes. Some days I want to shout from the mountain top how much I love this man. Some days I want to cry. Some days I want to scream. We are each doing the work toward what I call physical, mental, emotional and spiritual completion. Individually we’ve willingly put ourselves through the ringer to seek healing and awakening. Together we are striving to do the same in our relationship. It’s had it’s tough moments. Our coach reminded me of something so crucial last week. She said sometimes when a rescuer stops recusing it can feel like bullying. I felt so relieved hearing this. Because that is precisely how I’ve felt and I didn’t understand where all my sadness and anger was coming from because I love this man and want to make our relationship work. It was a relief to remember my feelings here were a result of our dynamic, not us. Reminding myself that the dynamic is painful, that the dynamic is infuriating, not him, gives me so much power and access to love when I feel stuck in an emotional trigger. Essentially I don’t need to put the blame and responsibility of my feelings on him. Thats the kind of adulting in my relationship that I want.