Red Flags Are a Blessing

I’m a part of a Facebook group led by a love and relationship coach who carries a similar message and has a similar coaching methodology as me. I woke up this morning to a member post that got me fired up. In a good way. “Feeling so hurt my boyfriend of 2 years left to help his ex look for a condo in Lake Tahoe. He left Friday and promised to be back this Sunday. I hear nothing since Saturday. I see her pictures on Instagram of her in Jacuzzi and candle light dinner and hiking and at Lake. They are still there he hasn’t texted or called me. Everything was so perfect between us. If not for her posts I would of believed him that she was looking for a Condo which it clearly is a romantic vacation. I have no clue how long he is staying. But why didn’t he just end it with me or tell me the truth that they are getting back together? He said not one word to me. What do you think ? Feeling so betrayed.” I could write a whole essay on this. Maybe someday I will. For today I want to share a little something about how important yellow flags (a warning sign of impending danger) are for defining the property lines of your heart. I can tell this woman is hurting and if I were working with her I would hold A LOT of space for her pain, shock, sadness and fear. When the time was right, I’d lovingly work with her on the places she ignored the warning signs (yellow flags) that lead to her hard boundaries (red flags) in her relationship. I would be firmly reflective. I’d support her healing and transformation. Because ignoring these hard boundaries is what allows you to be treated in ways that do not meet your needs. Noticing red flags is a blessing. They are a blessing because they give you choice to honor your boundaries or ignore them. Honoring your boundaries is so empowering. Next time you notice something you deem as a yellow or red flag, tune in to what boundaries, values and needs are out of alignment. Then act accordingly.