When you want to find an cultivate healthy sustainable relationships and love yourself immensely in the process, but keep running into the same painful dating scenarios over and over again while trying to juggle all the other things in your life...
It's a perfect recipe for a jaded, hopeless, pessimistic attitude about all this stuff AND a catalyst for taking your toys, going home and swearing off dating completely.
So let's talk.
There are a few things I want to get clear on because our wild online world is sometimes a tad misleading about matters of the heart and how to support you in getting what you truly want when it comes to dating and relationships.
Let's take a look at three pieces of bad advice in the world of dating and relationships and how to approach it all correctly.
MYTH 1: If your love life isn’t working out the problem is out there
Sometimes we find other people, places and things to be the cause of our own stress and pain. Admitting that we might have had a hand in our own pain isn't easy! But being ACCOUNTABLE is different than self-blame. Accountability gives you access to choice and personal power. BTW each painful love situation is unique and I'm not including outliers like dangerous and abusive relationships here.
MYTH 2: Meeting the right person is a roll of the dice
This myth shifts the weight of responsibility in your process of dating off you and onto chance. The power to improve your success rate lies in EXPANDING rather than narrowing your picker. Some love coaches might tell you to get super specific about what you want and hold to it. I’m actually one of them. What I see missing is balancing that out with flexibility and openness to the gift (the partner/relationship of your dreams) coming in different wrapping paper (qualities/experiences) than you expected. I took a chance and got to know my current partner who, in truth, didn’t *perfectly* match the physical ideal I thought I was looking for. Now 4+ years into our relationship I’ve never been more attracted (and loved) than I am now.
MYTH 3: When you meet the right person your life will be complete
This might seem like an obvious one but is it so obvious? No matter how much personal work we do on ourselves we can still believe that a relationship will fill what feels empty inside us. Meeting the right person won't complete you. Meeting anyone will show you more of who you really are and show you the places that need completing. This is true for my current partnership. We love each other immensely. Sometimes being together is painful and lonely as we uncover the deep healing that’s needed for us individually. But here’s what makes it all worth it: Real love requires DEEP WORK and courageous empathy for self and others. The ones who strive for personal fulfillment both from within and beyond romantic relationships are likely to be the luckiest in love and experience healing that leads to a sense of wholeness.
And here’s why understanding these myth busters is the best news of all: You’ll now be able to tap into true freedom in your love life. You are able to LOVE what is. This is freedom in any location in your romantic life whether you’re single, in heartbreak, in happy partnership, in not so happy partnership.
If you'd like to learn more about healthier more self-responsible ways to approach your dating life check out my masterclass How to Date Properly.