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Leaving Things Unfinished

So yesterday he left for a work and leisure trip for 6 days and we hadn’t resolved a conflict we were in. Leaving things “unfinished” in my relationship is my emotional kryptonite. I’m learning about the different layers of it and how to work with it. The first layer: I love you. I really want to resolve this conflict so let’s stay in. The second layer: I love you and I am aware we aren’t making progress towards resolution and connection. The third layer: I love you and it’s starting to feel painful for us both to continue to be in this. I can tell we are efforting and I feel afraid to name it and take a break. The fourth layer: I won’t name it because if we take a break and I let you go you might not come back. Or you won’t come back. The fourth layer is what I’ve recently discovered has been operating behind the scenes this whole time when I am in conflict in an intimate partnership. It’s why I can sometimes insist on staying in and working it out to mine and my partner’s emotional and energetic detriment. If we separate to take care of ourselves while we are in conflict you might it come back - is a limiting belief generated by an old wound. My healing in action is to try and let go and sit with the feelings and thoughts arising inside of unfinished business between us. It takes trust to let go into the unknown. It takes A LOT of self-love. It takes being courageous enough to admit the very private fourth layer of my experience to my partner. We create more intimacy and connection that way. Byron Katie has a powerful writing meditation called “The Work” that at the end has you turn around an experience you never want to have again into an experience you look forward to having again. So, I look forward to having unfinished business in my relationship because I will get to practice building trust in letting go into the unknown and giving myself a ton of self-love


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