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February 15, 2006 Journal Entry

"I've been feeling really pissy for the past few days. I can't tell you how happy I am that valentine's day has passed. Such a worthless holiday. I know I am being such a cliché right now (being single and not having anyone to share this holiday with). All day I kept thinking about what I was doing exactly one year ago. I got a call from S. He was in Florida. "How could you think I wouldn't call you on V-day?"

I keep replaying and working out all my feeling about my and S's relationship. I know this is a natural part of "the break up process." Now I feel it for real though.

Months ago I was fooling myself into thinking I could make a man fall in love with me if I just held on...just a little more. If I keep this charade up a little more he'll see that I am the one for him."

I wrote that in my online journal about 14 years ago.

Back then, some people would have described me as irritable and intimidating. I had a thick high wall around me.

Most, people didn't know I was in pain and desperate as a single woman behind all those walls.


I thought, "There is nothing less attractive than a desperate woman."

But what if it's TRUE?

I have so much empathy for that desperate woman now.

Wow. She was holding a lot and needed a lot of healing.

If I could give her a message from the future I would tell her that being single doesn't have to be a time of desperation. It can be your time of preparation.

You prepare your mind, body and spirit for something coming in your life. Maybe it won't look like what you expect. But you know something is coming.

Date With Depth is starting this Sunday and there are two spots remaining. If you want a safe and powerful space for the inner work, connection and preparation this program might just be for you. Simply DM me that you are interested and see what the next step is.




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